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»March of the Penguins
"WORST GAME EVER."
March of the Penguins… sucks. Before even reading this review, just
know what you are coming into - the worst Game Boy Advance game ever
conceived. The developers may not be known for games of this low
quality, but March of the Penguins is a shameless licensed game. Not to
imply that licensed games are inherently bad; games like this are just
bad because not only are they bad choices for a developer to make a
game of, but they use the stupidest concepts and fail to even execute
them properly. Not even The Legacy of Goku can compare to March of the
Penguins in quality (or lack thereof).
Everyone knows March of the Penguins. It is a movie narrated by Morgan
Freeman about how penguins live and die. It’s an adorable little movie
with great narration and is somewhat interesting. However, DSi totally
kiddified this game! No great Morgan Freeman narration and no penguins
die. Totally kills the whole point of the documentary, to show their
lives and their deaths. …Which begs the question of - why did they make
a game based on a documentary in the first place? I’d rather have a
game based on Frankenweenie.
For anyone who hasn’t played Lemmings, you will probably have a hard
time figuring this game out. …Even though playing Lemmings does jack to
help you out, either. In the beginning, each penguin will emerge from
the water, and walk steadfast forward, regardless of anything in their
way (I don’t think penguins are that stupid, DSi). So it is up to you,
the player, to help guide them. You have a variety of objects at your
disposal - a whirly slide, a rock, a fish, a fire, and a bunch of other
stuff that the developer give you no idea of what they are. The fish is
your most useful tool - if you are having difficulties placing objects
successfully in order to collect all of the snowflakes in the level
(and you will), you can use this fish to lure them away from danger.
It certainly doesn’t sound like TOO terrible of a game, does it? Well,
it’s all about the execution, readers. Any potential quality to be
found in this title was executed (Aha! Aha! Aha! Aha! Aha! Aha!) on the
spot. To place the objects, you must move the cursor to a bar of icons
on the bottom of the screen, hold down the A button over the desired
object, and move the cursor to pick it up. It wouldn’t be so bad if
there were more depth in the environments, if it wasn’t so cumbersome,
and if it were fun. I could only bear to beat a single level; I didn’t
even bother to check out the second one.
The visuals are pretty bad. The animation is poor and the whole game is
fuzzy and undetailed; just penguins on white on white. What the Hell
were they thinking? One of the biggest problems is with the visuals,
even more so than the gameplay, is the lack of detail in the
environments, which prevents you from seeing parts of ledges.
The music is repetitive and terrible, and there are no sound effects to
speak of. But the biggest suck of the sound is the lack of one thing -
Morgan Freeman narration. If they had thought for a second about how
awesome this would be, I’d give this game a 40/40 and give it my
personal GotE (Game of the Eternity). But alas…
And what’s to say on the replay value? Nothing much. I play one level -
one terrible, poorly designed, asinine, ugly, despicable, vile, (other
adjective) level. And while passwords would usually kill the replay
value, there’s no replay to kill. In fact, passwords are the high-point
of this game - if anyone is insane enough to want to play this game,
passwords will deter them.
Overall, this is a terrible game and the developers should be ashamed.
I just hope that I can do my part to make sure that this game and its
Nintendo DS counterpart never sells another copy for as long as I live
- or at least get the message out to the creators that they shouldn’t
try to skimp on the budget for their games.
Couldn’t they afford Morgan Freeman?
Article by: Alttp
Posted on: Jul. 6th, 2007 |
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Review Recap |
| Gameplay |
| Abysmal. |
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Graphics |
| Little detail, fuzzy visuals, poor animation. The most positive thing I can say is that they have at least one bit of an excuse to look this bad (unlike the DS version). |
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Sound |
| Terribly repetitive music + no Morgan Freeman = fail. |
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Replay Value |
| The only thing that I did that could constitute as replaying this is forcing myself to play this game to do this review. |
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